I cannot believe that it has been exactly 1 week since we had to end my pregnancy. It all still seems like a horrible nightmare. Time keeps moving but I am still stuck.
I received a call from the funeral home yesterday. They needed some information from me for the baby's death certificate. I am not sure if it really is a death certificate or some other type but I refer to it as that. He asked the baby's name and Icouldn't even tell him because we don't know the sex of the baby yet. We have our names picked out but I couldn't just give him a generic name. Because of that, my baby will be listed as "Unknown" and it cannot be changed. It felt like my heart was being ripped out when he said that. I asked if I could go and re-file the certificate once I found out and he said he didn't think so.
We had Lukas' 15 month well check up yesterday and everything is going well for him except his eczema. He is having really bad flare ups for the past 2 weeks. I feel so bad and helpless. We have an appointment with his dermatologist this month so hopefully we can figure something out. He got shots yesterday and for the first time had a fit. Broke out into hysterical tears. I started crying because there was nothing I could do.
I have my post-op appointment with my OB next week. I hope everything is ok with me physically.
Ok I am done rambling, Lukas is about to pull down the blinds off of the door so I have to go grab him!
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Dear Erica,
ReplyDeleteI am so saddened by the pain of your loss. Grief is difficult to navigate, but the best way to do so is by going through it, not around it. It's a good thing that you are feeling all of the emotions it brings to you. You will never forget your sweet baby, but the pain will lessen and the scar will fade with time. It sounds like you and Sam are taking care of each other. You are blessed to have him in your life. Take care.
Love,
Mrs. P